What went right in that conversation with Teacher A that turn things for the better? The physical setting was as usual, inside my cubicle, and it was the first work review session for the year. My tone of voice was gentle and friendly but I feel that I was also firm when I pointed out to Teacher A directly that I would like to clarify some issues from an email that Teacher A had sent to me earlier. In my heart, I felt strongly that if the issues were not addressed first, the tension between us would worsen and things might turn out really really bad. Hence, I did not follow the usual procedure that a supervisor would carry out during the first work review session (like setting targets and so on).
The issues I addressed during the conversation were mainly:
1) Email is an easy communication tool for general discussion between 2 or more parties. However, the tone of the message in the mail is determined by the words used and will be depending on the way the reader reads the mail. The sender cannot control how the message is read by the reader.
2) The use of email to solve a problem may not work due to the reason mentioned in the earlier point. For more effective discussion to solve a problem, all parties involved should come together face-to-face to work on finding a solution to the problem.
3) As the supervisor of Teacher A, I hope to help Teacher A develop and grow and hence more conversation (especially face-to-face) need to occur between us.
4) I told Teacher A that I was also learning to be a better supervisor (people developer) and that it takes 2 hands to clap. Hence, both of us need to work hand in hand for things to work out well. And of course, I would need Teacher A to give me relevant feedback for me grow to be a more effective supervisior.
Probably I had really hit the nail on the head with the issues mentioned above during the conversation.
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1 comment:
Very interesting unfolding of events you have described.
Let us try to generalize your conversation into basic principles for crucial cinversation so that we use these principles for all other important and crucial conversations:
Purpose
1. You stated your genuine purpose, to have an effective communication.
Deal with the Issue, not the Person
2. You stated facts of an issue and did not blame or criticize the person. Even though you might have been upset with the person's actions, you did not bring the person's actions into the discussion. You discussed the process, not the person.
Be an Authentic Partner
3. You reached out by being authentic, with all your vulnerabilities. You recognized your own needs, and also your weaknesses: to be an effective People Developer. You moved yourself to be alongside her, and not above her.
Give Purpose
4. You gave her a role in the purpose of (face-to-face) communication: to give you feedback on your growth. This elevated her.
I believe these principles can be used again in another situation when you have people who are in need of finding their constructiverole and purpose in your team or organization.
Thank you the sharing that led to these principles. (these are directly from your recount, not from the book. Confession: I am not done reading it.)
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